Five Things about Therapy that Might Surprise You
The following are five aspects about therapy or counselling that are not commonly known, or are sometimes misunderstood. Better understanding them can help make the process seem a bit less intimidating, and perhaps more empowering.
1. Going to therapy demonstrates more emotional maturity and strength than it does weakness.
One common myth about going to therapy is that it means you weren’t capable enough to handle things on your own. Often, we pick up this notion from dominant norms in our societies and cultural backgrounds, like through messages that tell us it’s not okay to show certain emotions. It’s this idea that we need to stuff down what is difficult and keep going. Actually, seeking help for your problems means you’re taking action. Does it make more sense to stop and ask for directions if your GPS is broken, or keep driving around lost for who knows how long? It’s actually a normal part of being human to reach out for support, including when we are unsure how to address something. Just as it’s wise to call a plumber when you have a problem with your drains and aren’t familiar with pipes and water systems, it’s smart to know when you might be stuck and need some specialized support. Reaching out to talk to a therapist takes courage, and it’s a sign of strength, not weakness. It shows that you don’t want to settle for what’s not working, and are instead standing up for what you want to be different in your life.
2. Therapy can be interesting, and even exciting.
Many people get anxious at the idea of seeking this type of support. Therapists in books and movies are sometimes portrayed as very judgmental of people, and focused on analyzing and diagnosing their clients, which could leave people feeling less good about themselves. But, it’s actually more often the case that a therapist works with you to find and build on your strengths and gifts, and to learn new ways to perceive and address situations. This can often lead to a greater sense of confidence. Some people even look forward to their sessions, as part of learning about themselves, what they want in life, and how they might be able to actually make those goals and dreams a reality. Even as difficulties and challenges can come up in therapy, there’s lots of space for celebrating wins and uplifting revelations. A good therapeutic relationship is a safe, supportive place where you can experience breakthroughs at your own pace, and feel good about the time you are investing in yourself.
3. Therapy can be a place to grow. It is not only for people dealing with serious mental illnesses.
Although it is often the case that people reach out to a therapist when something feels off, or isn’t working, therapy can be a place that not only helps reduce distress, but assists people to learn new skills, build self-compassion, increase self-awareness and self-confidence, and generally let go of what is not working well. A therapy process can support people through transitions, facilitate positive change in navigating challenges, and can enhance people’s ability to invest in a life rich in meaning and purpose. A good therapeutic relationship is like a garden in the spring – full with possibilities. In the right conditions, amazing things can grow. One real-world example is the Atacama desert in South America, which is one of the driest places on earth. After an unusually rainy few days, the whole desert became a surprising sea of flowers back in 2015, and it has done so again since. In a seemingly endless vista of dry sand, all that was needed was water. The seeds were simply waiting for the right conditions. All of us contain this kind of possibility. You don’t need to feel like you are in dire circumstances to talk to a therapist. It can be a place that supports you to grow from the inside out in the ways that are important to you.
4. Therapy can help heal the past, and not just re-hash it over again.
Sometimes, people believe that there’s no point in addressing the past, because it has already happened, and it only stirs up difficult thoughts and feelings for no purpose. Certainly, if past experiences are not bothering people in the present, it doesn’t make sense to address them. But, if people often find that past memories come up in a way that is distressing in the present, this is often a sign that these issues are problematic. Next, although therapy can bring up discomfort, a good therapeutic relationship is a place where past issues that still cause distress can be worked on in a way that isn’t just bringing up unpleasantness for no reason. Therapists are trained in approaches that can help heal ‘unfinished business,’ including assisting people in identifying problematic narratives or self-stories about the past and shifting them to more empowering views, or bringing forward discovered learnings that can be helpful in the present. Some therapists like myself also have training in modalities that can facilitate healing on a deeper level of the brain and nervous system, meaning that what is brought up is more fully healed, processed, and resolved. This is the difference between just “re-hashing” the past, and processing it. Talking about the past without any kind of intervention can feel to some people like shaking a snow globe. Once the snow settles, if you talk about things again and shake the globe, it’s always the same level of swirling snow, or upset. But, processing the past is like pulling the stopper out of the bottom of the globe, so that the snow flows out, and there is less in the globe remaining. That means an issue often starts to seem more in the past, without the upsetting emotional experiences that go along with the memory. Addressing the past in therapy with an intention to gain clarity, healing, and peace can actually be a worthwhile pursuit.
5. Therapy can be a place to feel less alone, and relieved.
One of the biggest myths that people often carry into therapy is the notion that they are alone in their experiences. In reality, most concerns that bring people to therapy are very common, and very human. That is to say, although our minds may tell us that everyone else is coping better, that no one can understand, and that we are weird, or flawed, this is actually just a myth. We have more in common with one another than otherwise. Many people who talk with a therapist find it such a relief to bring these types of concerns out into the open, instead of hiding in painful silence and secrecy. A good therapist won’t judge you, and it can be powerful to realize that you are not alone, broken, or strange. It can be hard to live a human life, and confusing to navigate your own path.
As humans, none of us is perfect, and that’s a fact for everyone. It’s okay. But, every one of us has good and valuable aspects of ourselves to celebrate and to share with others. And, even our differences can be sources of strength and value. I know plenty of people who have interests or quirks that are actually a part of what I love about them. Can you think of someone you know who does something a little different, and it makes them just a bit special? Sometimes it’s all about perspective. We’re all unique, and we’re also so much the same as human beings. Therapy can be a space to share things you might not otherwise put into words, and where you can explore and learn to accept and appreciate who you are, what you really want, and how you might step more fully into that vision.
I hope these points have given you some nice food for thought. If you’d like to learn more about therapy, and explore whether it might be the right thing for you, feel free to send me a message or give me a call for a free consultation. Take good care, Holly