Looking out for Life’s Simple Pleasures: How Pleasant Experience Supports Stress Management
As we continue to live our lives during the time of the COVID 19 pandemic, the impact of cumulative stress can be felt to some degree by almost everyone. And, even as the complexity of the situation continues to play out, we are simultaneously contending with all the other variables that would usually cause us stress. Such happenings range from handling finances, tackling chores, trying to take care of our physical health, and navigating the ups and downs of relationships to unexpected and unwelcome experiences like waiting in a seemingly endless checkout line, or being cut off in traffic. Altogether, these experiences can add up, and make it harder for us to feel like we are coping, let alone living well.
Although our bodies try to keep us within a balance of normal functions, called homeostasis, when we are subject to repeated, or chronic stress, it is harder for our brains and nervous systems to regulate the impact of the demands, frustrations, and difficulties we experience.
One sign that you might be experiencing some dysregulation, or imbalance as a result of chronic stress is that you find yourself reacting in a bigger way to an unpleasant experience than seems to make sense in the moment. It might be something you would otherwise have found irritating that in this case feels very upsetting, or perhaps even overwhelming. Think of that proverbial phrase about the straw that broke the camel’s back, which really refers to just that one more thing that felt like one thing too far. Sometimes, we just call it, “the last straw.” What we really mean is that this extra issue feels like too much in the midst of everything else we are dealing with.
Another image to illustrate this idea would be to imagine a tall glass with a half an inch of water poured in. If more water flows into the glass, perhaps a couple of tablespoons, there is still a lot of capacity in the glass to hold what is in there. This can represent our balanced and regulated nervous system when we experience some stressful moments, but still have a lot of capacity to manage. But, if you take that glass of water and pour more into the glass until the liquid is near to the top, the glass is much more likely to overflow with an additional influx of water. This overflow represents the overwhelm we can feel with repeated stressors, and we may experience symptoms such as anxiety, being easily flooded by emotions, fatigue, or dealing with painful muscle tension.
So, what is there to do? Well, even though there are always aspects that are beyond our control, such as being let go of a job or becoming ill, an important part of stress management is looking at a situation and figuring out what you can influence. There are many aspects to managing stress, including getting enough sleep, eating as healthy as possible, engaging in exercise, and seeking the support of others. But, for the rest of this entry, we are going to focus on one aspect that can also help in conjunction with efforts like those mentioned above. This aspect might be called engaging in pleasant experiences on purpose.
Certainly, in a pandemic situation, many of us still know limitations on the types of activities we might engage in. But, even within these parameters, often there are opportunities we can find, or seek out. Sometimes, they are humble moments, much less glamourous than a trip abroad, for example. Even so, such moments can hold their own value, especially when they are cumulative, meaning that we incorporate multiple experiences over the course of our days and weeks.
This sentiment is beautifully expressed by the following quote:
“For many years, at great cost, I traveled through many countries, saw the high mountains, the oceans. The only things I did not see were the sparkling dewdrops in the grass just outside my door.”
– Rabindranath Tagore
In that same spirit, here are twelve examples of what is meant by pleasant experiences. The first one is a favourite of my own. You may or may not relate to all of them. But, perhaps consider what might inspire your own thought process on what you may wish to connect with, or in some cases reconnect with:
- Sipping a cup of tea, noticing the soothing warmth of the cup in your hands
- Sitting in a local park or greenspace
- Reading a book or magazine for pleasure
- Spending time playing with or cuddling a pet
- Watching a comedy show or funny online clips
- Listening to music you like that is uplifting
- Dancing to music (air guitar is just fine, if you are inclined)
- Working in a garden and tending plants
- Hobbies like collage, knitting, model-making, or learning new recipes
- Repairing items, or ‘tinkering’ to make or fix things
- Giving yourself a spa treatment of some kind (ex. aromatherapy, facial)
- Talking with a good friend on the phone, virtually, or in person
Certainly, these twelve examples are a drop in the bucket, so to speak, of the myriad of options that exist. So, why does engaging in such activities on purpose support managing stress? Well, one reason that, especially during a challenging time in our lives, such experiences can serve as an implicit reminder that we can have moments that feel a little easier, or even good. One of the tricks our mind can play is that it can tell us that our lives are awful, and that they will always be terrible, and this can lead to a lot of feelings of discouragement, and even hopelessness. This is part of what is called the negativity bias, which has to do with our brain’s tendency to seek out what is wrong for survival reasons. But, this bias also encourages us to overlook anything that is going well, and even how our mood is not always constant. Our emotions are always changing, just as many of life’s challenges do come and go.
So, since research tells us that our human minds tend to be like Velcro for negative experiences (sticky), and a bit resistant to holding onto positive ones (like non-stick cookware), it can be important to have those pleasant touchstones in our life. Moreover, as psychologist, researcher, and writer Dr. Rick Hansen suggests, if you are doing something pleasant and you make a point of really connecting with it on purpose for 20-30 seconds, this apparently helps you to take in the good of that experience.
What exactly is taking in the good? Since our minds are easily distracted, taking in this goodness means appreciating it even for ½ a minute with our senses. It is essentially letting the essence and nuances of that pleasant experience really sink in. Think of the image of a sponge soaking up water. Our five senses can help us do this. Consider what senses you might employ in a given experience, including touch, sight, sound, scent, and even taste. For example, if I am walking in a park, I might really look closely at the colour of the leaves on a brilliant tree, perhaps appreciating how the reds flow into golden veining in the centre of the leaf. How much more richness is contained in an experience like this when we give it just a bit more focus?
The power of focus can indeed become an important strength we can tap into for the sake of our own well-being. I remember one of my meditation teachers explaining once that people tend to believe that what’s important is what we focus on. But, she said that the opposite is actually more true. She described how, if we focus on something frequently, on purpose, that person or thing takes on greater meaning from our simply paying more attention to it. She gave an example from her own life of visiting a corner store she would often go to, and on this one occasion noticing a beautiful sound as she shopped for a few staples. She realized it was the female store owner who was singing, and then engaged her in a conversation. Over a series of subsequent visits, chatting with this corner store owner actually became something she looked forward to, instead of seeing her visit to the store as simply a chore.
The point my teacher was making was about the power of focus, and also of choice. What a powerful illustration of how our free will of what we choose to focus on can influence how we experience aspects of our lives. That ability to shift our attention is within our power to do, sometimes with just a bit of practice.
In this one example, someone chose to transform her relationship to an activity that was already a part of her life. Similarly, it can also be of benefit to deliberately add in small moments in a day or week for pleasant experiences, like a walk at lunch, a few pages of a good book, an outing with a friend to look forward to, or even a purchase of a scented candle, or a favourite treat. Such moments can break up a day in a nice way, and can become like touchstones to connect with what helps us remember that, even in the midsts of challenges, life also has its comforts and marvels, great and small.
As I was writing this entry, I spontaneously recalled an experience this past summer when I saw a monarch butterfly, and I watched it until it drifted out of view. Given the population concerns related to this incredible insect, it warmed my heart to see one flying free, and I felt awe, and hope for its kind. Such moments as these are a gift, and are more often available to us than we realize, especially if we are looking out for them.
Even as we consider the power of small moments, it’s important that we acknowledge that none of what I have said is meant to negate or push to the side the reality that people can have very real challenges in their lives. But, what we do know is that pleasant experiences can help us to balance out some of that distress. Perhaps consider trying for a week to look out for any moments that might be pleasant. You might even treat it as a little game. What might I appreciate as I move through my day? Might I look for a chance to chat with that co-worker I like, or treat myself to eating my lunch outside if the weather is nice? Or, you might just sit down in a quiet moment and take stock of what you would like to incorporate into your daily life a bit more intentionally, even writing or entering it into your day planner. How about planning in a movie night, or a coffee break with a friend? We are more likely to keep appointments we make, including those we make with ourselves.
All of us experience challenging times in the course of our lives. As part of navigating those stressors in an empowered way, pleasant experiences support us to remember that difficulties come and go, and that in the middle of whatever we are experiencing, we can still find touchstones of comfort, brightness, and support.
I hope this article has perhaps given you a few ideas to support you. If you are considering whether you might need some additional help in your life right now, feel free to send me a message or give me a call for a free consultation. I would be happy to talk with you about your circumstances, and how I may be able to assist you. Take good care & best wishes, Holly